Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
