So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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