Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
