No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
