The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize