He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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