No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
