Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize