somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
