i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
