you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
