Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
