girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
