just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
