haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
