something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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