yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
