what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
