I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
