My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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