just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
