Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
