I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
