dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
