the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
