Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
