On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
