last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
