He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
