good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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