my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
