There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
