in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
