the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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