3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
