just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
