She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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