Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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