You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
