I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
