Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
