alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
