It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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