OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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