Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish I only lived at night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize