Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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