What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
