I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
