Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
