wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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