I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize