just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
