Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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