no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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