walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
