are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
