ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
