if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
