it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
