I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
