the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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