it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
