Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
