Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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