she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
