We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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