oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
