shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
