Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
