who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
