ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The ass gains better be worth it
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