And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
