I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
