i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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