I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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