yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
