sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize