Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
