Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
