brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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