he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
